This is my new kitchen floor. Every carpet tile has a different pattern and color scheme. It is unique, kind of odd, and totally me at this point in my life.
Not blending in to the point of being almost invisible.
Not something that most people would expect to see.
Not a surface that will be blindly tread upon and trampled without thought or notice.
Why did I put carpet in my kitchen? It’s the best choice in flooring to keep my beloved Golden Retriever, Cooper, healthy. He is beginning to have some mobility issues and the slippery vinyl flooring in the kitchen was a hazard, especially after he injured his leg over the summer. So I made the decision to put in carpet tiles. He can walk safely. I can easily replace small sections of the carpet, if it’s necessary in the future. Everybody wins.
All of the carpet tiles that I found at my local home improvement stores were very neutral and mimicked normal carpeting, except for this brand. Out of the five boxes that were used, only two tiles were the same. As soon as I saw the array of patterns and colors I insisted that these tiles were the only choice. It was so me.
You see, a few years ago I realized that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so buried under layers of stress and expectations, that I wasn’t even visible – a tired and dingy carpet that used to be vibrant and colorful but had become unrecognizable. I had come to believe that I had to be nice all the time to everybody, no matter how they treated me. So I routinely took on the chore of fixing problems that weren’t my own. Perhaps a noble task, but also a futile one since the people who I was trying to help had caused the problems themselves. They didn’t want the issues to be resolved, they wanted attention. The more I tried to help, the more dramas they created. It was exhausting. I had no boundaries. I took on everything that was dumped upon me.
And then I’d had enough.
I’ve cleaned up my life. I’m back to being myself, which happens to be colorful, eclectic, and fierce. Not only have I set boundaries – I enforce them. There is great power and freedom in learning to say no. It hasn’t been easy. There have been some interesting reactions from people when I’ve steadfastly refused to take part in their dramas or allowed their problems to take over my life. In the process, I’ve come to realize that I have excellent intuition. Detecting true intentions, even when someone is trying to hide them, is my super power. I am no longer a good girl who puts up with bad behavior to be nice. I walk away from people who are manipulative, have ulterior motives or a negative attitude because I won’t allow that kind of dirty energy into my life anymore.
I let my true colors show in both my attitude and how I live. There is nothing neutral or passive about me. I’m not a chameleon-like beige rug that blends in. My life is like the patchwork that is now my kitchen floor.
I can be kind while also demanding respect.
I can extend the drawbridge to welcome in good things or become a warrior to defend the kingdom that is my life.
I can be myself instead of the self who other people think I should be.