What Do You Do When You’re Not Okay?

Do you stuff all of your emotions deep down inside and pretend that you’re fine? Walk around like a pressure cooker with a broken release valve, waiting to explode.

Or do you admit to yourself and others that you’re having a hard time?

Pancakes & Pandemonium will be released in one week. It will be a very bittersweet day for me. After January 9, 2018 I will never again release a book that was written with my writing buddy, Cooper, by my side. I know his soul is still with me, he’s let me know that in many ways, but I can’t hug him, kiss his nose, or run my fingers through his silky hair. The following day will mark one month since he passed over. This time there will be sadness and grief mixed in with the usual excitement of releasing a book.

This book release won’t be like any other. It’ll be different. I’ll be different. Admitting that, to me, is better than sucking it up, pretending that everything is all right, and pushing through.

I won’t be on social media as much as I have been during past releases because I’ll be busy helping cook a meal for my son’s swim team. Then I’ll be attending the swim meet to cheer him on. It’ll be a nice distraction from the usual obsessive sales rank watching. Focusing on family never fails to bring a sparkle of joy in dark times for me. Part of my preparation this week will be attending several events at my local wellness store. They have nothing to do with book marketing and everything to do with self-care.

Life isn’t about gluing ourselves back together when we feel broken to pull off the illusion of being okay. How many times can that be done before we start losing pieces of ourselves? I have some cracks right now. There is a giant hole in my heart. But I am truly mending by not pretending that I’m okay.

One thought on “What Do You Do When You’re Not Okay?

  1. I hope you can feel Cooper with you always. Charlee is still with me all the time…even though he’s been gone 6 years now. I know how hard it is to lose such a companion.

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